The One Show
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This page is home to a transcript of the video which appears on the main Media page. The film uses a lot of voiceovers and adds speech from out-of-shot so this transcript might not be easy to follow.
- In order of appearance:
- CB Christine Bleakley (presenter)
- AC Adrian Chiles (presenter)
- JS John Sargeant (reporter)
- CM Chris Marshall
- SJ Steven Jukes
- JW Jessie Wallace (Eastenders actress)
| CB | Time for the latest in John's fantastic and occasionally troubling series about spotters: those passionate about stuff that the rest of us couldn't get passionate about if our lives depended on it. |
| AC | Lorries, for example. Last time, you'll recall, we met Katie Gales, one of the country's top lorry spotters. And my word, did we make her day, by delivering a Scania R-series 580 straight to her door. I have never given a woman so much pleasure. |
| CB | So I hear! (laughter) Tonight we meet a pair who spend their spare time travelling the highways and byways of Britain in order to spot, well, the highways and byways of Britain. |
| JS | For most people, the only roads they love are the empty roads. You find yourself saying "oh, this is a nice road, it's so empty". (cuts to Hogarth Flyover, now heard in voiceover) But the rest of the time, roads are simply a routine necessity - unless, that is, your best mate's Chris Marshall and Steven Dukes. [sic] (now in person, but out of shot) You're not just keen on roads, you love roads, don't you? |
| CM | Enthusiastic and then some, yeah. |
| JS | We're not talking about just normal interest, we're talking about passion, love? |
| CM | Something deep-seated and...slightly disturbing. (audio cuts to in-vision under the Westway) Just going over that way... |
| SJ | It's fabulous! But did you notice, some of the sticks are straight up and down, and some of them are triangular? |
| CM | I'm going to check the map, can you grab that end? |
| SJ | Okay, I've got that end... |
| CM | Crikey... (laughter) |
| SJ | (now walking towards camera) Definitely... 'cos you've just got to get... the curve round. And then, you look... (fades away) |
| CM | (out of shot at first) I mean, there was a time when there was a real excitement about being able to travel, this idea of freedom of movement, you know, when roadbuilding really got under way in the 1960s people really got excited about this kind of thing. |
| JS | (voiceover) That romance of the open road lives on for Chris and Steven. For them a roadtrip is always something special, and worthy of capturing on video. |
| CM | (out of shot) It helps to have a record of what you've been to see. (now in shot) So it's a simple thing... |
| JS | Like Hollywood, that, isn't it? |
| CM | There's a bit less narrative than your average Hollywood film. |
| JS | (voiceover as car moves off) The obsession with tarmac, signs and maps began early. |
| CM | Spent a lot of time in the car as a child, and when you're that small, your view's restricted... I would arrive at my family's house and say to them, "hey, I saw a new sign on the ring road for Headingley", and being the way that grandparents are, they would all go "oh really, yes, that's very interesting." I thought this was perfectly normal. |
| JS | (laughs) |
| CM | It's only when you get a bit older that you realise actually, maybe this isn't quite so normal. |
| JS | (voiceover as car goes on to Hogarth Flyover) One of the boys' top favourite thoroughfares is in West London. |
| CM | This is the Hogarth Flyover, which is one of the great follies of London's road network. It was built as part of an ongoing scheme of improvements on the A4... I think it's great, it's one of the most exciting things there are on the London road network, and the reason is, it was meant to be here for five years, and it's been here for about 35. |
| JS | To me it just looks awful! |
| CM | (over "Chris's Road Cam") The fact that it is strange and wobbly and wrong - that's great. |
| JS | Okay, well... it takes a bit of getting in to, this subject, doesn't it? |
| CM | Mmm. |
| JS | (voiceover) Such is their passion for roads, there are things that Chris and Steven spot that we don't. And goodness, they matter! |
| CM | Look at that! Oh man... |
| SJ | That is... |
| CM | I mean, how bad is that? |
| SJ | That's truly atrocious. |
| CM | That is awful. Let's take a look. |
| SJ | (now out of the car) That's just wrong in so many ways. |
| CM | (laughter) Count them! Count the ways. |
| JS | So what's wrong with this then? |
| CM | You've got the wrong symbol. That's a mini-roundabout. This is showing you a full roundabout. The word Sheen itself - there's something wrong there. Take a look at it. They've managed to get four letters squashed up to one degree and the 'N' a little bit wider. |
| SJ | And it's also all in capitals, which is actually more difficult to read quickly than in mixed case. |
| JS | And... and your emotions at this point? |
| CM | (laughter) Disgust bordering with delight, I think. |
| JS | Bordering with delight, I see... |
| CM | A real mixture. |
| JS | Well, I wish I had the same sense of excitement. (laughter) |
| CM | It's an aquired taste. |
| JS | (voiceover with the Westway stub) The chaps log roads that suddenly stop and flyovers that they feel lack elegance. |
| CM | No, actually, if you look, you see that little one there? The next one along's too close, so the carriageway has to go (CM and SJ point together) the far side. |
| SJ | Yeah, the far side of that. |
| CM | We want to see if there's a pillar in the way there. |
| JS | (voiceover with CM at desk) The rest of the world needs to know these things. Yes, you've guessed it, there's a website. Chris and Steven are members of SABRE, the Society for All British Road Enthusiasts, and they keep a personal website recording absurdities (C-road sign appears on screen) and anomalies. It's so comprehensive, that even civil servants and the Department of Transport [sic] sometimes consult it. |
| JS | (now in person, but not yet in vision) You put pictures on the internet... so that people can enjoy the mistakes? All across the world? |
| SJ | That's correct, yeah! |
| JS | But it is a bit odd, though, isn't it? |
| CM and SJ | Yes. |
| JS | I mean, you know it's a bit odd. |
| SJ | Oh, absolutely! |
| CM | I'm interested in this and no-one else cares. There's something... something exciting about that idea. |
| JS | So when I say you're mad, or you're strange, that's okay, is it? |
| CM | That's fair enough. |
| SJ | Yeah, we'd agree with you! |
| JS | (to camera) I think I need more practice, I need to keep my eyes open. And these signs (looks up) - that still looks alright to me! |
| (laughter in studio) | |
| AC | John, I could see you got quite into lorries last time, but could you understand what this pair were on? |
| JS | No! (laughter) |
| CB | Simple as that! Jessie, have you got a favourite road? |
| JW | A favourite road? Er... I can't think of one, but erm... |
| AC | We've only got one minute fifteen left so... |
| JW | No, I haven't got a favourite road! |
| AC | No? Alright. What about Durants Road in Enfield? |
| JW | Oh! I was born in Durants Road in Enfield. [number] Durants Road I was born. |
| AC | Okay, well let's see what our road spotters made of it. We've sent them to Durants Road where you were born - see what our road spotters made of it. |
| JW | Oh my god! |
| AC | That's where she was born. Gentlemen, have you assessed Durants Road? |
| JW | That's amazing! If you walk up this way, I was born on the other side of the road! |
| AC | Boys, your view on Durants Road? |
| CM | It's pretty nice, not the sort of place we'd normally go, I think, but I could introduce you to quite a few people in SABRE who would go mad over those curvy 70s lights down there in concrete. There are some very excited people watching those pictures right now! |
| SJ | Whereas of course if we just look round the corner, we have something quite interesting, because we have a street that just suddenly turns one-way half way down. Very unusual - really quite peculiar and quite confusing for the average person. |
| CM | I think we should get on to the council about this. |
| SJ | Yeah! |
| CM | (saying his lines like a good boy) Rename it "Jessie Wallace Way"! |
| JW | That house on the corner there, that house on the corner - the people that used to live there used to babysit me when I was a little baby! |
| CB | Aww, she's getting reminiscent... |
| AC | I thought you were going to say something actionable then for a minute there... Gentlement, thank you very much, I wish you a happy weekend road spotting, lovely to talk have you on. Jessie, lovely to have you on. |
